patriarchal blessing.  I was clearly told that I would be SEALED in the Temple, and not that I would marry in the temple.  I made that distinction immediately.  Being a convert, I AM the only LDS member in my family.  I know exactly what each one of you is talking about.  I completely understand.  I’m not in Utah, and I’m not a typical Mormon.  Therefore, I sat down with the young Mormon I was engaged to and explained to him.  “I understand that as a Mormon and as a Return Missionary, your goal is to have a temple marriage.  As a convert to the church and the only member in my family, I am not prepared to do that.  On the few occasions when I have thought about what my wedding day would be like, I have thought of friends and family.  My patriarchal blessing indicated that I would be sealed in the temple.  That is the only thing I am certain of.”  He looked at me and clearly replied, “I love you, I want to marry you.  I don’t care how or where we get married, as long as I get to be with you.”  We invited our friends and family (Mormon and Non-Mormon) and had a wonderful simple wedding and reception.  Our Ward bishop attended our wedding which was conducted by a local Justice of the Peace.  Five years later, just before our anniversary, I went to the temple for the 1st time.  On our 5th Anniversary, we were SEALED in the Dallas Texas Temple with our Bishop as our witness.  Our four year old son, was sealed to us at that time.  My son has stated to me on several occasions, “Mom, I remember when I was sealed to you.  I remember how I felt when I was able to go into the temple.  I remember what it felt like and I want to go back.  I want to feel like that again.  I’m glad you waited to go to the temple, because that gave me the change to be there.  I was able to remember, and it gives me the desire to want to go back.  I can remember the love and peace that I felt.”

I may be Mormon, but I do have free agency.  I have the ability to make my decisions.  My bishop does not know what is best for me.  He may counsel and explain the church’s point of view, but in the end EACH of you has the right, ability, and option to make that decision for yourself. 

After I became inactive in the church I still dreamed of being sealed in the Temple. Feeling the promptings to return I bounced in ad out of activity for about a decade until 2 years ago when I began returning to church. I was engaged to a man at the time, non LDS, and my activity was a definate sore point in our relationship. While the question of my religious affiliation was not the only reason we seperated, it was a major one. Since then I have been in school and have returned to the Temple, and consider the seperation the best decision I made in my life. I response to the origional item by Heather on the point of the “limited” recomends that are issued to the youth to do baptisms, they are strictly limited to their movement within the walls of the Temple to the areas specific to what they are there to do, namely the font area and the dressing rooms and confirmation rooms directly adjacet. In my estimation the MOST sacred ordinance performed in the Temple is the sealing cerimony and inclusion of family members who do not meet the MINIMUM requirements as are presented in the recommend interview would diminsh the feeling of sacredness and communion witrh the divine in both the Temple in general and the sealing rooms in specific.

The ordinance in particular is designed to untie the family, not to tear it apart and the turmoil caused by persons who do not understand the nature of the covenants is regretable. Bur for ME, I am TOTALLY WILLING to cheese off ALL of my family who can not be there!!!!!!

As I was at the side of my greatly beloved grandmother as she was passing through the veil this January, I was greatly relieved that I would see her again and the we would have the opportunity to be truly a family for time AND ETERNITY! Because love is forever and relationship can be too!

As one who has left the Church, I now face the prospects of never getting a chance to ever attend a wedding. With 2 daughters married in the temple (incredibly hurtful to suggest answering a dozen temple recommend questions makes one worthy over a faithful fathers 20 years of service to his children), 5 more active in the Church, I find the practice mind bogglingly cruel and perverse. (I have one inactive daughter so there is hope)

Of course there’s nothing about this in the missionary discussion when they teach you about the Church. They’re in such a hurry to get you “baptized” and you’ll learn about it later.

Hate is not a strong enough of a word to describe my feeling for this organization.

You can’t imagine the grief I got from my family about how rude the temple workers were to them and how terrible my in-laws were too.

To my family’s credit – they weren’t exagerating. My husband’s father was a monster at our ring ceremony and our reception. My family was asked to leave the temple waiting room and walk across temple grounds to another waiting room – that wasn’t INSIDE the temple. My family was really offended since the Temple President had told them they could wait in the waiting room – then they’re being shuffled around and treated like leppers.

It was a fiasco – now 4 years later – I’m divorcing my jerk of a husband.

If I ever marry again – I’m going to elope. The whole wedding thing is a nightmare of stress.

I’ll never do it again.

Now…The gospel and the Church saved our marriage. We were sealed 8 years ago. One year after our baptism. The Eternal significance was profound and sacred.

Sacred….we think nothing of allowing the Hopi to exclude outsiders from the Kivas and sacred ceremonies. Other religions have their ‘sacred’. By the way, casting your pearls before swine is from Jesus Christ about ‘sacred things’ and includes all of us. There is a level of sacred with things pertaining to Jesus and the Gospel and to G-d. Most people forget that and just say, “What would Christ do?” he would NOT cast his pearls before swine.

It does not mean we are perfect or without sin if we have a Temple Recommend. It means we are striving to life by eternal principles, gospel principles and a moral life. Obedience to G-d is not easy, but much IS required. Does that mean it is FAIR?

Well, as I told my students and my own children….LIFE is NOT FAIR. It is not meant to be. Our children are loved equally, but are not the same. Nor are they punished the same for everything based upon age, understanding, circumstances, etc. The same goes for all of us.

Temples do not exclude anyone except those that CHOOSE to be excluded by their own choices. Preachy??? Maybe, but long before I joined this church I realized that there must be a level of respect for other peoples ‘sacred’ whether we agree or not. I would LOVE to go to a Hopi ceremony, know Hopi secrets, and be in a Kiva, but I must get over it because it is not MY sacred space. It is theirs.

I like what someone else said about the day being about the couple and their relationship with G-d. Those that are offended by the couple’s choices on their day must realize it is NOT about them.

AS far as “using” temple marriage as a “missionary opportunity” would kill the day worse than not having family there at all.
It would completely take away from the nature of having a wedding, not to mention..
Half the world already thinks mormons are trying to take over.. they would just assume “opening the ceremonies” would be a ploy to get them to join.. and they still wouldn’t want to come or be there.
and there is a huge difference between SECRET and SACRED. I also find religion to be “sacred” and I have no need to “flaunt it” by including 12 dozen starving missionaries to my reception list just to “explain” why mormons do what they do. First no one would want to listen to it, unless they are ready to hear it. so…..
Because I “eloped” to the temple post re-activity and being found worthy, the day was mine, I picked my own destination, and i have a deep appreciation for the firm foundation of being married. And I return to the temple often.. because the day did go fast. And I like to feel like a “bride” again, and remember the promises I made, that truely in my heart of hearts makes me happy. Not everyone else. p.s. for those who question the old WWJD? Christ has commanded us, to have families and to go forward and BE HAPPY!
I have considered cancelling my “ring ceremony” because neither family can agree on how it should be held. Its my wedding day, not there’s. I regret that I could not “stand” there surrounded by family and friends, but what matters most is, I felt it was essential to be married in the temple as part of a family unit for myself and any future children.
this wasn’t an easy feat.. again my parents divorced and even temple divorced, I left the church for 10 years and even used to abhor the song “families can be together forever” but I knew without the temple I would not be happy. Even if I agree with some of the “strangness” of ceremonies.
sorry for flogging the dead horse..

I see how not having your family in your temple seeling could be very disheartening and am sorry it was such a hectic day for you. That saddens me. I have been a member my whole life, but was inactive for amny years but eventually came back and know have been temple married for 4 years. I completely understand your questions as a lot of people I care about do not or cannot understand my faith. AT the time of your wedding I am assuming you felt the Mormon faith was a perfect fit for your life; so why couldn’t your wedding day be perfect for you and your family?? I think it could have been, it sounds like you Bishop or Stake Pres. made it a little difficult for your ideals. But, it’s not fair to blame them as they were fulfilling their calling the best they knew how. May not be how I would have but, in the church there is one thing I always have to keep in mind…the Gospel is perfect, but the church (or the people) is not. As much as I would love to say the church is perfect, I can’t. If it were, nobody would ever leave the church or go inactive. I say this b/c while reading all the posts I wish there was one simple answer to make everyone happy. But that would be inpossibe, we are all different people with different personalities, expecations, we react differently to many situations.

Well, now my opinion of the actually question at hand. In the LDS faith the temple IS Sacred. No matter our personal thoughts on the temple; as far as the gospel goes it is sacred. So I would have to focus on the sacred parts of the sealing. I would love to think there is a way non member families could see the sealing ceremony, but b/c of the sacred parts..it just can’t be done. I, for one, am not a member that is just filled spiritually by going to the temple. But I do have a testimony of its sacred nature and I do believe I recieve blessings from going. So back to the question someone asked about would Jesus want to see how families are torn apart b/c they can’t be at thier childs wedding? We all know that that is not the Lords intent nor is it the Church’s intent. The church is just fulfilling the Gospel plan as much as been revealed to us. Honstly, anyone of us at anytime could critize some church policy b/c it doesn’t fit us perfectly. But all i know is that the gospel itself is true and one day all these questions and concerns will be answered.

Sorry if I rambled, It’s very late here and I am a bit of an insomniac.

As I thought someone already pointed out in this thread, the counsel to delay consummation after a prior required legal ceremony until the temple sealing has been performed is NOT LDS Church policy. It may have been counseled by some church leaders in some foreign countries in past years (Carlos mentioned the mid-80s), perhaps in the spirit of giving more weight to the sealing ceremony; but it certainly isn’t policy now. Some couples may choose to “wait,” a day, but if they do, it is strictly a personal choice.

I do find it interesting that the LDS church claims to recognize non-temple marriages as legitimate, while at the same time insisting that members in countries that require a prior civil ceremony don’t consmmate the *legal* marriage until after the temple sealing. Something seems inconsistent there.

Carlos said: “The only solution for me know, after reading all these comments again, is that couples should be permitted to separate Marriage from Sealing as needed on a case by case basis. Just live and let live instead of trying to force everyone to live only as active Utah mormons live.”

I think I have to agree with this.

Let me reiterate that I am more a proponent of a policy reversal for civil marriage than actually having the church change its long held view of not allowing non-members into the temple. I am not so deluded as to think my simple, weak arguments would have sway on anyone, let alone true-believing Mormons. But I do think that it could be done tastefully with escorts and an interview process. It could be limited to only the non-member parents. Or as Peter Brown wrote, having a choice of no one attending. Again, it is a matter of perspective for those who are having the ceremony done. I think there are solutions to this problem without making false dichotomies and slippery slope arguments.

As far as the church leaders perspective, as true-believer, sure you all have to abide by what they dictate. But I think a good leader takes into account the changing of the times and the needs of the people, and being aware of their own biases. I understand that the church is a theocracy with dogmatic beliefs, so much of this debate is moot, but still worth having.

I have, I think, officially worn out my time on this topic. I will retire from it.

The sealing ordinance is, ultimately, _the_ crowning ordinance of our faith. I know of none higher explicitly mentioned in the canon. I don’t know that the ‘pearls before swine’ commentary is entirely fortunate in phrasing, but the ceremony does involve certain symbols that endowed members are under oath to keep sacred. When a child is sealed to their parents, this does not change, but nevertheless, unendowed adults are not permitted into the sealing room. I know if instances where an adult child had to wait to be sealed to their parents who joined the church until all had received their endowments. A youth, on the other hand, is permitted to be sealed, I think on the feeling that it is better that they are sealed to their parents considering that it will be some considerable time before they are able to receive their own endowments.

I doubt that the church will ever allow adult nonmembers to enter the temple and view temple ceremonies. I similarly doubt that the ceremony will be modified in such a way that the nonmembers can attend a portion thereof outside the temple. I can see a change that would allow the bride and groom to have a more formal exchange of rings or otherwise involve nonmember family more extensively, and give bishops further guidance in the Handbook. It is obvious that to me that this is necessary.

I just made up this ‘Las Vegas’ wedding to express the worldly wedding where all people can attend. I’m not in the US so I see from movies (probably a poor choice of source) and tv that Vegas has these chapels set up for the crazy couples who meet in Vegas and want to get married. I know its not very academic to use this. It was just what I came up with to express what would be a civil marriage for time only before the government authorities. Now this is different to the civil marriage I had before the Temple one, because that ceremony was more of a sign and exchange documents with little of the ‘love till death do us part’ thing.

‘Vegas wedding’ was just to distinguish between the worldly marriage and the sacred Temple Sealing.

Now we’re talkin…True Blue. That’s the moronism I grew up with.

Reading #34 “The morning of the sealing we found out that a couple of people had been invited that we had no idea about previously” made me remember my sealing that had several Temple workers in the room standing against the wall because they just wanted to see a ‘wedding’ even though we were not allowed to take more than 10 people to the Temple.

The only solution for me know, after reading all these comments again, is that couples should be permitted to separate Marriage from Sealing as needed on a case by case basis. Just live and let live instead of trying to force everyone to live only as active Utah mormons live.

I agree with you (I think) that I don’t see anything wrong with eliminating the time restriction and restrictions on vows for civil ceremonies. I don’t really get that policy, but I only heard about it today so I don’t know much about it, or the reasoning behind that policy.

But I’m not sure why people keep calling it a “Vegas” option? Is this really what a mother wants for her daughter? For them to run off to Vegas to get married, just so she can see it before they do the “real thing” in the temple? Why do they have to go to Vegas? Why can’t they plan a nice, respectful civil ceremony anywhere else? Are you just using Vegas metaphorically, or are you really suggesting that church leaders should suggest that young couples with non-members parents actually go to Vegas?

“LDS temple marriages have the lowest divorce rates of any marriages in the US. By far. Google it”

Technically true but misleading, even by the church itself. The rates are lower because the church doesn’t always update all divorce events in the membership records because after divorce many couples go inactive, or one partner does, and many members don’t seek out the clerk to inform him of the divorce. The records then lag behind the fact so when GA’s run the numbers to compare Temple marriages to non-Temple marriages they end up with skewed results towards Temple marriages.