I was called to the Virginia Mission in May 2007. I LOVED the MTC. The structure and spirit were great for me. I admit there was a night I lost it emotionally and started bauling over the fact that I realized that I’d not see my family for two years; I’m really close to my siblings and parents. I was so excited when on the airplane trip out I was seated next to a guy that wasn’t LDS I had a BoM already marked and ready to give out. I enthusastically gave him the Book, it was great.

Once I was out in the field things changed. I started to develop emotional/mental issues I’d never faced before; like OCD and Anxiety and panic attacks. I think I had a tendency for this all along, but the mission experience just brought it out more. I also think that the reason it was magnified on my mission was that my normal way of dealing with a tough week was to go to bed 2-3 hours early one night and get some extra sleep. (I always felt better in the morning after one of my ‘recharge’ nights) This way of copeing could be done, but with strict mission rules in practice this couldn’t happen;at least not with the ‘one-size-fits-all’ mentality some missions run. After three months in the field I stopped getting any good amount of sleep. I was starting to have a mental break down and was hoping that some crazy driver would crash into my bike and that I’d die. At the time I wouldn’t have hurt myself, but the whole ‘indirect’ suicide thing sounded good. I wasn’t afraid of death, but I felt like I was losing my mind and I didn’t see any door out.

Thankfully my mission president immediately set up an appointment with a psychiatrist during my first symptoms and this psychiatrist and I met one a week for about a month. The psychiatrist saw that I was deoteriorating and during one of the latter appointments he confrence called my mission president and basically told him that I needed to go home. My mission president-quick aside, my mission president was the greatest guy, so loving and patient, he really wanted and prayed for what was best for me, so I compeletly trusted his advice and counsel-back to the story, my mission president agreed that I should go home and get better. My mission president, President Millburn, latter talked to me and likened my problems to breaking a leg, if you break a leg you need to walk with crutches and take the pressure of the leg to let it heal. Going home was like getting the needed crutches.

My parents were vacationing in Hawaii when President Millburn called them and told them I needed to come home for a while. They bought tickets and came to Virginia to pick me up. Thats how I got home.

Once home I worked with counselors and started medication that did an amazing job easing my OCD. However, everytime I got serious about thinking about returning I would get all anxious and my hands would start shaking. I prayed and fasted about returning and didn’t feel any strong emotions one way or the other; I took this as a sign from God that he trusted me in the choice and that it was probably a choice between good and good. I decided to stay home and not return. I’m now attending BYU and am in the neuroscience program.

I have to say being and early release missionary has been the best thing that has ever happened for me. It sounds odd, but I truely feel like the servent that came in the evening and the Lord still payed him the same wage as he did for those that he hired in the morning.-Parable I can’t remember the name to. I feel like the Lord blessed me, but not because I ‘did my time’, but because I was willing to put my whole life on the alter and allow him to direct my life. (This is a big thing because my older brother is my role model and he served a mission and came back a different person. He never struggled with depression or anxiety before, but they were big when he came home. I was worried about my own mission because of this, yet still wanted to serve. I feel like since I came home early I was able to avoid serious long term problems like this.)

Whether you serve 24,18,or .5 months. The lord will bless you and judge you individually. The best thing you can do is treat individuals and individuals and let them know you care.

I’ve learned a lot since I’ve come home and I’ve met some great people; other early release missionaries. There are groups here in Utah that are held at LDS family services we meet along with our parnets and then the missionaries go with a counselor and talk about their experience while the parents stay with another counselor and they talk about their stuff. Its been great.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to not do the standard thing, it’s okay that I expereienced a lot of pain and mental anguish before I came home. It’s okay that some missionaries come home early, it’s not the end of the world, in fact it might just be the beginning of a better life for them.

Would I do this all again if I could go back and talk to myself before my mission: yes, I would. It’s been hard but I’ve learned a lot. I put my life and mental health ‘on the alter’ and God decided to not take very much of it. I know he cared about me even during those hard, hard times. I now know that when you are sleep deprived for weeks and hungry, tired, and feel like you are literally going insane; God knows what you are feeling and he cares. and often he will make a way for you to get better. Well I’ve reambled long enough. That’s my early medical release mission story. I hope typing this helps at least one persone that reads it; it’s already helped me. Tyler

I think one of the biggest problems with missions at age 19 is the average boy reaches his sexual peak at age 18 and is surging with hormones. I was in Brazil on my mission. There were many beautiful girls all around wearing skimpy outfits. I was singing hymns in my mind all the time and feeling guilty about it.

Tony R.

I also agree that we tend to give too much emphasis to the problems and not enough to the amazing successes of the church’s missionary program.

My mission had a very negative effect on my life that lasted about 20 years. At first I blamed the church (for painting such an inaccurate picture), ward members (for not telling me the reality of what many missionaries were going to be like), the MTC leadership (for their bad leadership examples), and the missionaries (for all the shenanigans, bullying, etc.).

Then my second phase, as I started to recover, was to start to forgive them for the offenses, both real and perceived.

The third phase was to blame myself for not being prepared or equiped (emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, etc) to handle those things.

The fourth phase was to start to forgive myself, and not entirely blame myself either. Lack of preparation (or even sin) on my part did not excuse or justify the offenses (the real ones) on the part of others. IE, my inability to respond correctly back then didn’t justify any unrighteous dominion on the part of MTC BP’s or bullying from fellow missionaries back then.

That kid returned from his mission and shot himself a week later. He did the full 2 years. I personally think that his mission experience must have contributed something to his emotional state since it happened so soon afterwards. But I’ve heard GA’s admit (in training) to many missionaries having trouble adjusting to home life on returning, and there are plenty of ‘testimonies’ around the web on missionary problems, but off course the church will never release official stats on this, nor will it do so for the ‘returned early’. But surely adjusting to home life is harder after returning early?

I’ve also heard that suicide rates are higher for the teens to under 24 but then again its such a difficult issue that probably only God knows what’s going on there.

When I say proximity, I mean more than just physicality proximity. While I see the benefit of spreading couples out geographically I would question how much many of those senior missionaries would actually know about any issues amongst the younger missionaries. My experience also is that quite a few senior missionaries are struggling just as much as the younger missionaries with language, distance from families, health, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I have seen some senior missionaries have huge impact on the atmosphere and attitudes in a mission area. But as a panacea, there are some structural and practical limitations.

As far as the “ecclesiastical abuse,” it isn’t the term that is new to me it is the prevalence. It just seems like, in the Bloggernacle, there is undue and unfair emphasis on the problems that exist in the missionary programs and not enough credit for how amazing it actually is, as a program and in the lives of so many RM’s. That is before we even start to discuss the its actual success.

Carlos JC,

I’m not a psychiatrist, but I understand that mental problems are most likely to manifest themselves in the late teens and early twenties. A single suicide out of that population in the last ten years is almost a selling point. What is the rate of suicide for young missionaries relative to the general population in that same age range?

That’s an excellent idea to have older couples as zonies and AP’s. I hope they find out about that, as well as making the entire program more flexible, like allowing RM to go out again for a month or letting some live at home while preaching 6 days a week within their stakes. Having this separate missionary program has created two churches, one for those on missions and another church for wards and stakes. Elder Scott addressed this extensively in the early ’90’s but all they changed was to delete the stake mission presidency and sent the elders to ward council.

But the post by Lisa here says that there ‘SEEMS’ to be an increase in the number of ‘returned early’ who aren’t excommunicated. I generally agree and find it worrisome; we’ve had 2 this year so far, one for listening to country music, after been told not to, and the other for just not fitting in. The suicide case was in ‘97 or ‘96 and there must have been other problems, sure. But, remember that these kids are aged mostly 19/20, an age where they really can’t stand up and say NO on principal, they don’t want any rules and are still mostly at home. Seems they’re thrown in the deep end more and more and should the sink? well members and the church simply say ‘too bad’!

#69 Ray,

I meant the ‘maximum age’ to be called; its gone down over the years and the result is a more homogeneous missionary force but they haven’t made the entire program more flexible. This ‘more homogeneous’ missionary force hasn’t produced better results -if it did they’d be trumpeting those results in every conference.

I doubt the church will ever release official stats for this; nor will it do so for the total of excommunicated members or total divorces….it only ends up as ammunition for the enemies of the church to use.

#2: Proximity. Nothing is necessarily keeping the couple missionaries from living in cheap 1 bedroom apartments throughout the mission (both US and most foreign missions) just like the younger missionaries. I get the impression that currently, full time couples missionaries are living clustered near the mission home or office, and serving in office capacities. If the church can recuit more retired couple missionaries, let’s sprinkle them throughout the mission as ZL’s, or as advisors/mentors to DL’s and ZL’s. (Granted exceptions will be made in more dangerous areas. But if an area is too dangerous for retired couple missionaries, I’d be wary about sending 19 year old elders there too.)

#3: “ecclesiastical abuse” is a new name to old problems, such as when someone in a leadership position is condescending, manipulative, “grinding the face of …”, Nephite diseased, confrontational, unrighteous dominion; or in other words, all the stuff that section 121 says not to do.

I did not know the term ecclesiastical abuse until I read the bloggernacle too. But it fits well to the class of nephite-diseased, manipulative, condescending jerks who were called to be branch presidents of the MTC when I was there in 1984. “Jerks” is too nice a word. Most of them were…, uh, let’s say “worse than jerks.” And there was one guy there who I was convinced was an actual wife-beater.

If I had sons, I would not encourage them to serve missions if today’s MTC leadership were as bad as it was in 1984. They were just not good role models. Seriously, if I were a father, I’d pay a visit and attend one of the weekly convocations and see how the BPs address the missionaries today.

IMO, the type of men who served as MTC BP’s in 1984 would not be tolerated by the rank-and-file membership if such men were BP’s and bishops here in the midwest.

Part of my resentment lies in the fact that I fell into the same trap. Back then I resolved the cognitive dissonance of jerks holding leadership positions in the true church, by thinking that was the way you were supposed to treat missionaries. So when I was a DL, I followed their (the MTC BPs’) example. I treated others as we were treated in the MTC by the BP’s. But now, I kick myself for allowing myself to have fallen into the trap. But I also have to admit my personality fit very readily into the domineering rule-nazi mould back then.

#76, Ray: We’re seeing that here in Indianapolis. Unless a ward is producing lots of investigators/baptisms (like the Spanish branch) double sets of missionaries are being reduced to one set per ward. The ward I’m currently in is producing very few investigators, and only one convert baptism per year for the last two years. If I were the mission pres, I’d consider pulling the full-time missionaries out of this ward, or assigning them to devote a larger percentage of their time into re-activation efforts.

I agree with your prediction that we are heading in the direction of, if not no missionaries, then perhaps an average of less than 1 companionship per ward. Perhaps one set of missionaries per chapel, covering the two or three wards that meet there.

And you’re right, if a ward is only baptizing a small handful of people per year, then the ward missionaries should be able to cover it.

I once calculated that there is one companionship per 70,000 population in metropolitan Indianapolis.

By distributing missionaries in such a ratio (1-set per 70,000) in places like the Pacific Islands, Latin America, and Africa, the “yield” of baptisms per year per companionship would be much higher than the same distribution ratio in the US.

With India being a non-Christian nation, I don’t know what the missionary yield there would be. Not as high as Latin America or Africa, but probably greater than Europe.

Personally, I think India has huge potential, like the Asian Pacific Islands, but the Brethren are going slow, having been burned by the retrenchment required in Chile and the Philippines. I just hope the pendulum hasn’t swung too far the other way.

Back to couples missionaries, they would be great for leadership training in India. So we need 32,000 more young missionaries, plus about 2,000 retired married couples (4,000 men and women), to go to India.

Oh, there’s another use for couple missionaries: to be the BP and RS-pres in a mission branch instead of 19/21 year old elders be the BP.

There are 2 missions in India, and both are English speaking. At least the first, Bangalore, is. That is, the missionaries teach in English, and do not go through Hindi language training at the MTC.

Currently, there are 5 translations of the Book of Mormon in Indian languages: Hindi, Bengali, Telugu, Sinhala, and Tamil. Bengali and Shinhala are “Selections of”, but Hindi, Telugu, and Tamil are full translations.

I would suggest two issues with this. First, there aren’t nearly enough senior missionaries to fill the current needs.

Second, I don’t know that the senior couples, for the most part, have the same access to the younger missionaries that a peer would. It would be a trade-off, maturity for proximity.

Maybe the assignment can be given to mentor the ZL’s $ DL’s. But I think that is effectively happening now, in the cases where the senior couple is capable.

Bookslinger. I have to agree, if missionaries were held to a standard of professional behavior we would avoid a lot of problems. But in my experience, the personal distance required to maintain that goes away when people spend the quantity of time together that missionaries do.

I have been a ward mission leader in two different missions in the US and worked with missionaries in several places overseas, besides my own two year mission. I never heard of rampant “ecclesiastical abuse” until I read about it on the Bloggernacle. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, it just seems to got excessively dramatized in this forum.

Carlos was referring to the _maximum_ age allowable for missionaries to start their service. When I started my mission in 1984, the maximum age allowed was 26, and I was 26 when I entered the MTC.

As I understand it, the maximum age to start is now 25. If you’re 26, it’s too late to start a mission, according to today’s rules.

Nick/Mac Roger on the thing about young men going into the military to escape the pressure to go on a mission. I know a 20 year old here in my town who did just that. And I have to agree that his mother and the bishop might have put too much pressure on him. But rather than try to get him to “leave his options open” while he took a year of college, they kept pushing for a committment to go,and that pushed him in the opposite direction. In fact, Army basic training might be a more pleasant experience for him than his home-life has been.

CarlosJC:

My mission was rather disorganized. At the time I thought it was pure chaos. I would have been much happier if the mission had been run more like a business. I worked in corporate america, or at least small businesses for 7 years before I went on my mission. A good business would not put up with employees and managers pulling the kind of crap that missionaries, district leaders, zone leaders, and AP’s pulled. And good employers/bosses would be able fire the kind of knuckle-headed jerks that Mission Presidents are forced to keep in their mission as missionaries.

Missions really can’t be run like businesses, though there are some efficiencies that could still be implemented (cell phones, PDA’s, etc.) An employee is free to leave and find employment elsewhere. Missionaries really can’t do that, and they shouldn’t.

One thing I’d like to see is older couples be zone leaders and APs, and let them train and supervise the district leaders. And in places where they don’t have enough mature 19/21 year olds, older couples could be district leaders too. Oh well, just a thought.

Here in Indianapolis, the alternative service missions, where you live at home, and do church service for 18 to 24 months, are becoming common and popular, and are, in my opinion, producing good results.

I think there will even more flexibility put into the church’s missionary program. There might
even be alternative-service proselyting missions in the US, where you live at home, but put in 8 hours a day proselyting as a full-time missionary. Something has to change about how we proselyte in the US, because there is greater demand for overseas missionaries, especially in India.

If we had the man-power (mission presidents and missionaries), we could put 32,000 missionaries (200 missions) into India, where they have 1,100,000,000 people, and still have only 1 companionship for every 68,000 people.

I think there will be a greater shift of missionaries sent overseas, and fewer full-time missionaries serving in the US. That’s just my opinion.

My experience, with membership in the military was similar. I saw many young men from LDS backgrounds who were escaping family/community pressure to live up to a gospel standard. Anecdotally, it lead more out of the Church than in.

I spent a considerable part of my mission on and around Camp Pendleton, where young Marines were trained. I later went through Army basic training and AIT at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, where I took an active part in the weekly serviceman’s branch. I don’t want to dispairage all young LDS men who choose to enter the military. However, I can’t begin to count how many of these young men openly stated that they had enlisted in order to escape pressure to go on an LDS mission. Of course, during the stress of boot camp, they suddenly became a lot more religious.

Also, until someone can give me actual stats on what percentage of missionaries return home - particularly for non-medical reasons - and how many RM’s commit suicide (and how that is related to them having served missions), I personally am going to ignore the cause and effect conclusions some are presenting in this thread. I know they occur, but in my 15 years of extensive involvement in the Church’s missionary program, I personally have known . . . 0 (yes, that’s zero) RM’s who have committed suicide because of their missions - and the only missionary of whom I am aware who has been sent home from my current area in the last couple of years for non-medical, worthiness issues was a sister missionary, not one of the male youngsters.

If we are going to have this discussion, we at least should have some grounding in statistics. Otherwise, it’s just ambiguous and anecdotal and subject to every issue that comes with this type of internet discussion.

“there is still stigma because we assume that the missionary’s early return is due to “worthiness problems” rather than the possibility that the demands of missions themselves might be unreasonable and even sort of strange” (Banister #65)

Well said.

Missions are voluntary and unpaid, and also not subjected to the orders system one finds in the military. Because of this they ought to find other ways of ‘preaching’ across the world which results in less turnover (ie less finishing early) and place the emphasis back on things like the Lord and Forgiveness. But the church seems to be going the other way, making rules tougher for missionaries and constantly lowering the age; once it was for under 31’s, then under 26, now under 23 (I think from memory). And the results are becoming more worrisome, from those mistreated for returning early and the mistreatment of those who never went (like Nick wrote) to even those who commit suicide after returning (some after a full 2 years). Making things tougher and raising the bar won’t necessarily stop all suicides of ex-missionaries.

I really think that they should be getting their management examples from community and voluntary organisations and not from the corporate world -which they have being coping since the 1950’s.

My second son turns 18 this month, a few weeks before his junior year in high school ends. His appendix ruptured in 5th grade, and in 8th grade he was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. He is one of the most mature kids I have ever known. His diabetes will limit where he can serve, but he will be an elder throughout his senior year in high school and leave on his mission the summer after he graduates - before starting college.

Both my boys will be as ready as they can be, but the second one probably will be more prepared than the first one. It really is an individual thing.

“Top notch mission presidents are the real key to solving these issues.” (#57)

I wholeheartedly agree with this assessment. For young missionaries, especially those in far-flung locales, their President is all the Church authority they have. Thankfully, I had a good (albeit rather strict) President and I believe my positive experiences were due in large part to his guidance. For a bad example, you need look no further than John Dehlin’s accounts of his time in Guatemala. Bad Presidents = negative mission experiences.

For me, I loved my mission. I knocked a lot of doors, wore holes through numerous shoe soles, ate all manner of jungle creatures, and put up with indignities of all sorts from strangers and companions alike. But, despite all of that, I enjoyed what I did, and those two years have turned out to be arguably the most formative in my life (to date). Sure, missions are full of unpleasant times, but as was said above, that shouldn’t cause to forget the positives.

I agree with your statement, but I don’t think this means you sit out a mission as a conscientous objector to proselytizing methods. I loved being a missionary while hating the approach I was asked to use. So I didn’t use it. I got the content accross, but I didn’t push it accross with the manipulation(whoops) commitment pattern. I found that my most effective door approach was to let my companion say whatever he wanted to say, let them tell us “no” and then hit them with a really casual “aw, c’mon - what else are you doing right now?”

BTW - I remember early in my mission we were visited by the head of the Missionary Department from Salt Lake in the context of a zone conference. We were shown a church video about families and aske what we thought of it. We laughed, saying that it was awfully hokey and now that we’ve seen the less-effective example, please show us the real video people will order while watching tv at 2am. We were very sternly told that the video we were shown was the new media program of the church and our mission would be the pilot area, so if the video wasn’t successful, it would basically be our fault. At that point no one wanted to suggest any other possible reasons for potential failure.
But the funny thing was that you could still use it as a tool. Show it to a family, laugh about it with them, and then talk about the points it raised. I do the same thing all the time when giving my home teaching messages

Every member should hold a current temple recommend too, but this isn’t the case. Fortunately there is no outward signal that a member didn’t pass their temple recommend interview so judgment is not as easily meted out by other members.

I have known many young Mormon men who have served in the armed forces in lieu of a mission. Sissies?

Search your judgmental heart and see if it can view those who choose another path in a more Christ-like light.

I served a full mission. I understand and accept that there are those who wish something different with their lives. The militant salesman approach to missions that characterizes the Church’s current program should not be imposed on those who don’t want to serve that way.

I don’t get that.

Every young man should serve a mission, and every young man ought to be living at a level that he can meet the raised bar.

If that hurts people’s feelings and make them feel inadequate, tough.

“Life ain’t for sissies”

And God’s church is not about making earth life a pleasant experience- it’s about forming the character necessary for exaltation. That requires that we suffer. So count your blessings that we have been counted worthy enough to suffer.

Had similarly life altering spiritual experiences in my last year of high school (in that I was able to really grab hold of the idea that I had a very real Saviour) and though I have often thought of the changes that occurred in my life at the time, I haven’t really considered the difference it made in my willingness to serve a mission and my preparation to be happy about being there. Reflecting on it now, it was likely a MAJOR factor. At the time I was being “born again” in high school, it never occurred to me that not everyone at church felt the same way or had the same perspective. I just thought that I was late in my discovery and felt sort of stupid that I hadn’t figured it out before. Time has disabused me of the notion that a majority of active members actually “get it”. Maybe that’s why I’m constantly trying to hammer the principles surrounding the atonement into every lesson with my young men. It is entirely possible to have a young man who appears completely competent and prepared for a mission, but if he doesn’t have a real testimony of the atonement, he’ll have a difficult time getting through the hard stuff a mission throws at him. With that testimony, the hard stuff just becomes frustrating obstacles to be overcome because you love HIM.

BTW - Barrus, Larsen, Bodner and Conlee say “hi”

Fortunately for me, I was a TBM (true believing MISSIONARY) when I went on my mission. Not because I was spiritually advanced or anything. I had just made enough stupid mistakes as a teenager that I was able to have a “born again” experience as a teenager that converted me to the reality of Christ’s atonement. Because of the happiness of redemption I experienced as a teenager, I wanted to share that with others. So the decision of whether to go on a mission was easy for me.

That said, I completely understand why many young men and women might struggle with the decision to go on a mission. A mission is incredibly difficult, and I think unless a young missionary is truly converted to the concept of a mission, he or she will have great struggles and possibly come home early.

I think perhaps to solution to a lot of these struggles is for young men and women to hold off on going on a mission until they are fully committed to it. If that means waiting until you’re 20, 21, 22, etc. to go on a mission, then so be it. Although there is nothing wrong with trying to motivate someone to serve a mission by talking about all its benefits, that should never be turned into pressure or manipulation to go on a mission. If we eliminate the high pressure to go on a mission right at 19 years of age, rather than when a young man or woman is truly ready and committed, we’ll avoid a lot of these problems.

I think I must have had you as a companion! There’s not much left to be said on this thread that hasn’t already been posted. I think its great, if prospective missionaries are able, to live away from home at college or work for a year. The initial homesickness discovery can be dealt with before the mish. It won’t be a cure, but will at least teach you that you can get through it.

As for the stigma, it is a result of the actions of those who go for the wrong reasons and fail to find the right reasons soon enough. They are the ones screwing it up for those who have to return home for legitimate medical and personal reasons.

Then he would sigh and say “but they’d never let me get away with it.”

The stresses I experienced on my mission were almost entirely from dealing with other missionaries. The rest of the work was a lot of fun.

The rumours start when the returnee isn’t open, no matter the cause. If a missionary comes home and says, “mentally and emotionally (psychologically) I just couldn’t hack it” people may form judgements, but that level of honesty would likely elicit at least some positive support. If the same missionary comes home and says “I’m back for medical reasons” the speculation starts. I’m not saying that this SHOULD be the case, just that it’l likely no matter what is right or wrong.

Another couple of anecdotal examples.

#1. Kid comes home after a year with leukemia. No brainer. The ward rallies.

#2. Guy comes home for “medical” reasons. When asked what the problem was, he explained that his knee couldn’t take it. Observed same guy playing basketball a week later with no knee brace or support and no visible sign that there was anything wrong with said knee. So it was obviously a bunch of hooey. So whether it’s warranted or not, he’s asking for speculative judgements, not to mention that people don’t like being lied to, no matter the reason.

But if, as a whole, we made progress on our group charity, maybe families wouldn’t feel the need to hide the reasons.

We went over the Raise the Bar talk in Priesthood on Sunday, and the last comment was that the bar has been raised for parents as well as potential missionaries. Or, as has been pointed out above, the standard is the same but the challenges potential missionaries have increased so our efforts have to improve.

As for being nonjudgemental towards returned missionaries, nothing helps retention like a cold shoulder (sarcasm). This isn’t the only issue. We’re in a young ward, and I’m sure the couples who don’t have children, or the young single adults, feel marginalized. We need to focus more as a people on Christ-like charity than Christ-like judgement.

“Heh…Let me tell you a little secret. Our parents said the same thing about us. Our grandparents said the same thing about our parents. Our great-grandparents said the same thing about our grandparents. It’s one of the few things we can count on as the generations pass by. :-)”

100% right on that one. The problem is it is getting truer and truer!

Amen, jjackson. (#34) You nailed my feelings exactly.

Since junior companions, district leaders, zone leaders and AP’s all get trained by other missionaries from within the mission, any and all irregularities get perpetuated until a situation rises to a level where it comes to the mission president’s attention. The MP is really the only “outside” person who comes into the mission with authority, and without having been trained solely by missionaries already in the closed system.

In my mission, and from what I hear lots of others too, lots of things went on under the MP’s radar. And even those things an MP is aware of, the hierarchical structure, like business, is such that no one wants to report bad news to their higher ups. So I’m sure lots of things didn’t get told to the GA’s until it filtered up through the members and stake presidents. And even stake presidents don’t like to tell their higher ups bad news.

#37, AmeliaG: I think that it’s safe to say that getting married is at least slightly more universal (though not 100% universal) than “every young man should go on a mission.” Even now, the church admits that gays should not marry. And there is some point at which developmental-disabilities and emotional handicaps are severe enough to contraindicate marriage.

Please look up President Kimball’s talk. That sound-bite is tempered or qualified by things both before and after it. President Kimball did not mean it as an universal absolute, or to go at any cost, or to go in any condition. He clearly spoke of conditions and qualifications for going on a mission.

#32, IQ92: I was one of the “rule nazi” follow-the-program type of missionaries of whom you speak. I did not get along with missionaries like you. My sin was my bitter feelings towards goof-ball types, and it took me a long time after the mission to repent of my attitude towards the goof-ball type missionaries. I had to finally realize I was a jerk in my own way before I could cut some slack to the people who I thought were the real jerks.

An interesting thing is that both types, goof-balls and rule-nazis, if they don’t repent, eventually leave the church at some point after their mission. I suppose the challenge is to figure out how to be on the Lord’s strait-and-narrow path, being neither a goof-ball nor a pharisee/rule-nazi. But I don’t want to be a boring, insipid namby-pamby type either. I hope to seek a righteous kind of joy, not just “fun.” We are that we might have joy. I’ve started to learn how to do that. But it took until I was in my 40’s to start learning that.

I think the 80/20 rule is a good, general rule for missionaries - although in the last couple of years, I probably see it as more of a 90/10 rule. 90% of the missionaries I see now should be there; 5% are iffy; 5% simply should not have been called. (Often, it is impossible to know beforehand about a medical or physical condition that will require a missionary to return early, so I do not count those cases.)

Finally, openness in dealing with why a missionary has returned home is critical, imo. I wish desperately that members wouldn’t gossip, but we know it will happen. Nip it in the bud, and people will rally around and support - almost without exception.

I think also that it is very true that the interpersonal aspect of missions (and life) really is the toughest part of the whole thing. As I said earlier–the guys I’ve known recently that have come back are usually the kids with girlfriends or family that they can’t or won’t get enough distance from. If you are ALWAYS spending time on email or text messaging or whatever with a girl or your family, then you aren’t focused on the job. Which isn’t a good thing.

If parents want better prepared sons/daughters then solution is to make sure that the kids know how to make good decisions, be independent and respect authority. That’s about all it takes. They also need a grounding in gospel doctrine, not just from skimping along in church classes, but from serious study of the gospel.

Heh…Let me tell you a little secret. Our parents said the same thing about us. Our grandparents said the same thing about our parents. Our great-grandparents said the same thing about our grandparents. It’s one of the few things we can count on as the generations pass by.

How often does the rumor mill at church think, even when it’s the honest to God truth, that coming home for “medical reasons” is a “cooked up” story to cover transgression in the mission field? Particularly if the medical reasons are psychological?

I agree with Jeff on this point. I think that my mission (England, ‘87-89) was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done, even compared to my year of every third night of call as a resident. It was hard because of the work (lots of cold contacting) and because of the interpersonal relationships. I have only one companion who I remain in contact with, and consider a great friend, several I still hate, and the rest I am now indifferent to, although we got along as missionaries. But yet I also appreciate my mission for the crucible it was; I do think that it was further preparation for me to work hard at school, in my employment, and in my marriage and family relationships.

Among the missionaries I knew, the ones that seemed to have the hardest time were the ones who had not had the chance to develop a work-ethic and self motivation. They seemed to be the ones whose only previous jobs were maybe 10-15 hours per week at McDonald’s, or pumping gas after school for a few hours. Not that I was a great missionary, but I had worked full time summer jobs and 30 hours per week part-time during high school and I still found it difficult at times to be self-motivated and to knock on that hundredth door after hearing “no” 99 times.

Where I live now there are laws that restrict how much and when a kid can work after school, and they can’t begin to do so until they are 16. And while I try to teach my son good work habits and self-motivation when it comes to school work and performing work around the house, I just don’t think there’s a great substitution for physical labor or other type of regular job to teach kids about responsibility and commitment.

Of course, perhaps I should be thankful for the administrative lapse. In the years before my record was corrected, I was almost always either gospel doctrine instructor (which I loved) or stuck in the nursery (I don’t deal well with undisciplined children). Once the record was corrected, I promptly served in a succession of elders’ quorum presidencies, and as a stake executive secretary. Those “low expectations” of early years were easier to live up to!

Re: Carlos JC’s comment about the church investigating why so many return early. I imagine the church does this, but doesn’t make