How can you make them feel more welcome? Try going to Church to worship your Lord first. maybe you’ll learn to see the real “them” instead.

A sister in my ward now frequently wears pants. Not especially attractive or flattering pants, but they’re fine. I have to say that the first time I saw her in pants my first reaction was “She should know better! Hasn’t anyone told her?” and then a little voice said I was a complete fool–what would you say? “Jesus doesn’t like pants in the chapel?” I’m pretty sure that Jesus is happy when I even make it in the chapel, and dressing neat and tidy in whatever covers all the important bits is fine. I’ve been a primary teacher for a long time and there are many Sundays that the lesson would really work better if I wore pants, but I can’t bring myself to break a 38-year habit. I think that if I forgot to pack a skirt I’d probably even skip church rather than wear pants. And I’m pretty sure that’s pretty lame to the Lord.

Another sister recently used a 4-letter s-word at Enrichment meeting (and who hasn’t been provoked to the point of profanity at an Enrichment meeting?). I don’t think I’ve dropped any banned vocab at church lately, but it was worth watching those other sisters’ eyes get big and their mouths take a little prissy twist. And then one said “Oh, you’re just so cute!” (A variation on the Southern “well bless your heart . . .”, this sister uses “cute” so often to describe people on the fringe I’ve wondered if I showed up wearing a puppyskin coat if she’d say that I was “so cute!”)

I’d rather have people rebelling through their clothing choices in church than not rebelling with their clothing choices outside of church. I also wish I could smell more smoke and alcohol in our chapels, since that would mean more of us were there. I can (and do) disapprove of people’s choices all the time, but I’d rather have their butts sitting in a pew next to me than at home – or somewhere else.

Another highly accurate predictor of trends, Intrade, places the odds on Prop 8 passing at 31%.

Hopefully people in California lived up to your standards and asked their Bishop or Stake President to leave after they made a statement about supporting an anti-same-sex-marriage amendment. Or maybe you meant it’s just not a place to make an _unapproved_ statement…?

Wearing a suit and tie and white shirt makes a statement, as does wearing a dress (tent or not) — an _approved_ statement. Doing otherwise is seen as a counter-statement even when it’s totally orthogonal. This is why there’s so little room in the inn for people whose statements (regardless of whether they’re intentional or communicating anything meaningful) are not _approved_.

I frequently wore trousers to church, especially when it was cold outside. I don’t recall any explicit chastising for it, or even too many sideways glares. Then again, I wouldn’t have noticed and I wouldn’t have gotten much bent out of shape if someone had said something. I wasn’t making a _statement_…approved or otherwise. I was dressing comfortably and practically and like I would for any other semi-formal occasion.

For example, James B, your views are very different than mine. When I hear your ideas I have an immediate knee-jerk reaction to want to pierce my nose. My way of handling this if you were in my ward would probably be just to steer very clear and try not to attend any classes you were teaching. But as I checked out your link I realized there is much more to your story than is immediately obvious. My challenge is to try to get to know the members of the ward on a more personal level, so that I can have a better connection and develop bonds of love.

I’m still not sure how to put this so it doesn’t appear that I am trying to encourage making a “project” out of Sister Pantsuit. But all I know is that there are so many people in our wards who are still lonely.

You may feel that people who are Obama supporters would resent being compared to a chronic skin condition but the fact is, that many people who express any kind of different perspective are regarded just that way all the time. So universally, I would propose, that a great many who fit the mold comfortably aren’t even aware of the suspicion and censure they exude.

I don’t reach out to anyone any differently than I reach out to everyone – unless I feel impressed to do so on an individual level. I smile at everyone; I talk with everyone; I hug or shake hands with everyone; I flirt with all of the older widows (and many of the older non-widows, whose husbands love it); I play with all the kids; etc.

I am bothered more than I can express whenever I hear someone talking about someone else as a “project” – as the focus of something that has to be done. I believe the best help I can give anyone is to get to know them and sincerely befriend them. That’s when I can usually get the best inspiration about how I can help them.

There are other reasons that some people do not get the warm embraces that members are counseled to offer. Outward symbols of inward commitments are important in the church and for good reason. We are counseled to follow the example of the first presidency and general authorities in behavior, grooming and attire. It is of little wonder to me that when people refuse to comply with even the simplest of grooming standards that they will find themselves on the receiving end of raised eyebrows. People who refuse to comply with the simple cultural mores of the church will find less acceptance – that is true for all cultures. Refusing to accept this obvious fact is to hold members to a higher standard than the person who feels rejected holds himself to. This is a two way ward hallway if you please. Dressing and acting like a Mormon is the first step. Give members a break if they don’t leap to embrace long haired, tattoo wearing, Obama supporting, abortion promoting, nose piercing, wicca practicing, smoking anti-establishment types. Be yourself and don’t try to conform. Just don’t be surprised if you get treated like you want to be treated.

The chapel on Sunday is the wrong place to make a statement and anyone who uses it as a forum for making a statements should be immediately asked to leave. It diminishes us all to be subjected to such cynical ploy and I think anyone attempting such an act would do lose more support simply by behaving so poorly. I go to church to worship God, not to hear some other person’s view on anything that hasn’t been called to teach. Say for example that I felt that women should be given the priesthood. I doubt anyone would view it as appropriate for me to wear a sign that says “Give women the priesthood.” It is not the message that is at issue it is the location in which activism is taking place.

There’s providing service — and I’m all for it! Try to do as much as I can because it never fails to provide more benefits to me than I can ever give to someone else. But then there’s also operating in simple tolerance and understanding that the external is never the important or truest thing about anyone. Just the easiest to masquerade as saintly. So not worth anyone’s getting all worked up about. …said the Obama-, female priesthood and gay marriage-supporting lady in the Mormon tent dress.

Lovely to see you here, BIV!

And many others who are misfits for one reason or another.

What do I do for them?

Babysit and clean houses, run errands, search them out to sit by in meetings, drop of cookies and cards, take them out to lunch and let them know that I love them no matter what.