Renowned sociologist, Erving Goffman, wrote a profound work on this very subject called “The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life”, in which he uses the analogy and imagery of theater to explain social life and interaction. Basically asserting that we all wear masks for various reasons and that we are all ultimately performing through life. I agree with this, too. It’s like many of us have said at points in our lives, that we
“wear many hats” – this to me denotes an acknowledgment that we wear masks and perform.

However, I too have seen how this is rather prevalent in the Church, in my experience it has been particularly with women. In the relatively few times that I’ve gone to RS and tried to relax and enjoy it, I’ve found myself distracted by the fake-ness of several of the women, most bothersome to me was the RS president who never went beyond a “hello” and a curt smile to me. Another man in church who each Sunday treated me as if we were just meeting for the first time; I didn’t think much of this man in terms of his genuineness until he was called to be the next bishop – hmm.

Most important, perhaps, is that our masks can become damaging in situations like the original poster mentioned, where we refuse to take them off to the detriment of our relationships. It is interesting to watch the film American Beauty with all this in mind and see the difference between the lives of those who refuse to take off their masks and those who don’t wear one at all.

In AA (Alocholics Anonymous) they say: “Fake it until you make it.”

So masks are not always necessarily deceptive. When a certain role needs to be accomplished, and the person does not naturally fit that role, are they allowed to fake it?

I finally answered the question one time while waiting for a plane. The stewardesses for the flight were also in the waiting area. They were practicing smiling, literally. They were working the smile muscles and practicing the facial expressions.

At first I thought “boy, how fake.” But then I thought, “Well, that’s their job. I actually _want_ them to smile at me as I board, whether they honestly feel like smiling or not. They’re getting paid to make my flight pleasant.”

So it is in social situations or church callings. There are things we need to do and say. There are ways we need, or should, appear.

Things can get tough in this respect when it’s a one-on-one situation like home-teaching or visiting-teaching. Yeah, you’re calling as HT or VT is to care about the other person/family. So the challenge is to _develop_ true love. But in the meantime, while you’re developing love, you can still offer outward things that are outwardly needed, like shoveling the snow or mowing the lawn for the widow.

As we’re all sinners, we’re all hypocrites. But it’s okay to wear a mask if we’re hopting that the outline of the mask will make an imprint on us, eventually altering our face to conform to the mask. (There’s even a short story about that, but I forget the author and title.)

But yeah, I now believe in Ben’s and AA’s sayings.

And, Ray, as one of three piano players in my ward, I have to disagree. Everyone should play learn to play the piano

Trying to make the tent bigger without diluting the important stuff is something I hope can be done.

Absolutely, GB. That’s a wonderful way to phrase it.

I don’t think the LDS church’s situation is much different than any other group that has a set of core beliefs that are seen as pretty much set in stone. Unity in action and thought are valued for a lot of reasons, belief that we have the Truth, a sense of us against them, trying to protect each other and our families from the outside, and just a plain sense of loyalty. Most feel a real responsibilty to those that sacrificed and would not want to dishonor their memory or service. It’s a tricky business and as I said above, Richard Poll’s essay was a real eye opener to me. Trying to make the tent bigger without diluting the important stuff is something I hope can be done.

Perhaps not in some wards, but it there is within the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

I’m part of the minority and have learned to keep my mouth shut over the years for the sake of my wife and kids who need this support system. In one of our former units, I was a bit outspoken. Granted I didn’t say anything that was doctrinally incorrect, however it was unpopular. The majority ostracized us to the extent that they wouldn’t let their kids play with ours. It was quite sad really. At first, as mentioned above, I did blame and reject the majority. However now, I simply view them as trying to do the best they can by being very loyal to the church as they were raised to be.

Both sides of this issue need to be treated with respect and common courtesy by the other. There is a place for every child of God in his kingdom because He is not a respecter of persons. Therefore, there should be a place for every child of God in the church if it is the one, true chruch that it claims to be (and in all fairness, the church many of us have a testimony of given by the Holy Ghost.) Simply put, a house divided cannot stand. Take the Zoramites for example.

Is this a particular problem in the church?

Absolutely, but it’s a problem in any organization or society. It is the “natural (wo)man” – a self-protection mechanism that is as ingrained into humanity as any other natural inclination. Our particular challenge in church, I believe, is to recognize it as such and rise above it – to change it (repent) by an active exercise of will. (to act and not to be acted upon)

The “fault” is two-edged: 1) those in the majority who actively reject the minority for believing things differently; 2) those in the minority who hide themselves and passively reject the majority for believing things differently. In the end, it really is the same action – and the justification on each side is also the same. Each type tends to blame the other, and neither type tends to take the initiative to change the natural situation.

In “Concern for the One”, Elder Wirthlin articulated clearly that some leave active participation and lose faith because they act, think or feel different than others – and he told the majority that it was their responsibility to love and accept the minority for who they are, NOT for who the majority might naturally want them to be. He said that every voice (every instrument) needs to be heard, NOT that every member should learn to play the piccolo (or piano – *grin*).

Great post, when I converted to the church there was a lot of things I needed to put behind me. But as I have grown older I have realized that some of these things are what made me unique. For several years I kept my political views to myself because other members would comment that you cannot be a good church member and be a Democrat. Also you should not listen to any music but the MTC or the Osmonds; well I never could get into the Osmonds or the MTC other than Conference or Christmas.

I made up my mind that from now on that I will be me, which I call a Gonzo Mormon, do my best to live the gospel, keep my Temple Recommend current, and listen to loud music, keep my politics a little left of center and not to take myself to seriously. I figure that I will be shoveling horse poop for at least a 100 years before I am let into the Celestial Kingdom anyway.

GMU (Gonzo Mormons Unite)

Elwood

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