If I understand correctly then I agree with the premise of this comment, and yet disagree with the conclusion. I also don’t buy into the school of thought that suggests Children should be able to continue in total dependency until the completion of college. At the same time, why wouldn’t you want to arm your children with one of the single greatest differentiators between success and mediocrity that society can offer. I think there are fewer things that you can give your child that is of more worth. Just my thoughts.

“So are we done? Perhaps. I don’t know. I haven’t spent time praying and pondering the question in the temple yet. But I won’t make any permanent decisions now”

So you are praying about this and not consulting your bishop? Just clarifying. He -is- God’s representative as you stated.

The scriptures CLEARLY lay out how to get answers and if you are stumped and want counsel from a bishop – go for it – absolutely – ask for a blessing, but REMEMBER the poor man has a lot on his plate and there are probably a lot bigger fish to fry in the ward than our fertility decisions.

……

AS for personal feelings on this matter, When I got married and had an interview with both bishop and stake president for a temple recommend I was counseled to pray and consult with my husband and the Lord about matters of children, when, and how many both. Since the covenant is between these three alone, it is between these three alone that the answers and decisions on children should be determined. Asking your Bishop for counsel will give you some guidance, a blessing would be even better, but neither is required because prayer and personal revelation usually cover it well. In my life the Lord has not been silent concerning my prayers about children, something so important and central to his entire focus on Earth.

My personal experience was that my father sat me down to talk to me (a stake president at the time) and told me that this was between husband, wife, and the Lord. He told me I should pray about it, and do as commanded that way. I did pray about it, as did my husband, and the answer we received was to have faith and begin our family, and so long as we were obedient in this regard, a way would be provided to provide for them. And it was, and still is. We now have three children, all sons. My husband is still finishing his bachelor’s degree, and has one year left. I have had a miscarriage that wreaked a lot of havoc on my body as well as severe PPD and two surgeries relating to pregnancy induced issues. We still do believe that there will be a way provided. we have never gone hungry, never failed to meet our bills and obligations, lived providently and wisely, paid our tithing, and never needed assistance from the church either. We do not make a great deal, but the plan is that we will shortly.. enough to support what family we are asked to have in this life. My husbands Patriarchal blessing tells him so, and we have faith in that. In the interrum between children I have had to resort to IUD’s though because no other method works for us, and I am so fertile that I would spend my entire life pregnant (which would be bad for us financially as well as for me emotionally and physically) and miserable. We prayed about the decision each time we have done so.. and know we have made the right choices.

The prophets give revelation based on their time as the leader and spokesman for Christ’s church and what counsel is needed AT THAT TIME. I’m sure I don’t have to remind anyone that there have been changes in doctrine through LDS history based on situation for that time and that generation. So while some have appeared to be stringent, and others not as much… if you notice the trend changes with changing times. 1916 was a vastly different world from the here and now, and thus the counsel would be based upon that time frame in which it was spoken.

On the the topic of surgical procedures, it is also up to the same decision making process as having children. I will not, and do not look down upon those who choose to do so.

My mother had 7 children and even in that generation 7 is a lot. She would get comments all the time about “honey don’t you know by now how this happens?” and her response was always lighthearted, “Yes! why do you think I have so many?” but in reality, they prayed each and every time and they did so at the end as well, leaving open the possibility for an 8th, but there was no more spirits that would come, and that was as it needed to be.

I know a lot of people who swear up and down that one HAS TO BE reliant entirely upon themselves and have certain degrees of financial security to have a child, or how much is to be provided for the child and so forth, but in reality I think this is not so much determined by our financial status as it is our spiritual one. It is not prudent to have so many children that the mother cannot be able to take care of them, the father cannot support them, and life falls apart, but sometimes in order to prevent such measures (because procreation happens whether we intend to have children or not… ie pregnant teens) we need to use what methods are available to us and work for our individual situation.

My wife and I use birth control. I joke that if I look at my wife without protection that she gets pregnant (the thought of the rythm method terrifies me) but, while we are done having children neither of us have discussed permanent options to preventing further kids. Not necessarily against it just not sure I am interested.

I will discuss birth control and waiting to have children for a bit after marriage with my kids. I will give them advice on what I feel is best and, then I will allow them to do what they choose. I often consult with my parents on important decisions in my life. In most cases they have been there done that and I have always received good advice.

I do not believe it is my responsibility to put my children through a university education. While they are in High School I will support them in obtaining good grades and doing all they can to obtain scholarships to pay for their university education. If they choose to attend school locally they can live in my house and I will feed them, but paying for school is their deal. Education is a privelege not a right. I know it is important and believe that all my kids will get an undergrad degree and in some cases maybe more. I do not buy into the society driven idea that it is mine or anyone elses responsibility to provide one for them.

I think when to have children and how many children to have is between a Husband and Wife. I also believe that if I feel inspired to have a child, that in being obedient by doing so, I will be blessed in such a way that I will be able to support that child in all aspects of their life (Financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc.).

pinkpatent-

Wouldn’t that have been something!

Any opposed by the same sign.

I can see it now, “Sister so and so seems like she could pop out at least a few more, let’s put it to a vote!” haha

I must like even numbers…

My DH’s patriarchial blessing talks about having “boys and girls”. He always took that to mean he would have at least 4 kids – 2 girls, 2 boys.

I only have sons so far, so perhaps my involvement will be less, but I’ll talk to my kids about what we did, and hopefully by the time they’re ready to get married themselves, they’ll know enough and be comfortable enough with their options that it won’t be a big deal.

My hubby and I are both 30 and have 1 child. I have an IUD, and we consider ourselves “done”. In about 3 years I will need to go back to the doctor to get a new IUD. I don’t care what the church does or doesn’t teach about this, I feel good with my decision. I may change my mind to have a second child, and I reserve that right.

We made our decision to have our 1 child under strong peer pressure from our ward – hence, we have had “more children than we were inspired to”. The pressure was intense, I am a convert, so I was quite easily pressured, especially with reminders from fellow ward members about the church’s “stance” on BC. For the record, my DH did not feel good about the decision, but he prayed about it for over a year until his “heart was softened”. I feel kinda bad about that, in a Martin Harris “ask the Lord again” sort of way. I had a hard labor, and our son almost died as a result. I developed post-partum depression and OCD. Turns out the OCD was an underlying condition that I was never aware of until I was pregnant. Our son is almost three, and we are probably the only couple in our ward with only 1 child over 2 – everyone else has had their second and some are pregnant with their third.

We are very vocal about being done – or at least waiting several years – and I have even been questioned strongly by my Bishop about it. My labor/post-partum experience wasn’t so extreme that I couldn’t go through it – carefully, with better decisions this time – again. Perhaps some day.

Anyway, in my experience, the local pressure to “multiply and replenish” is still strong. On the other hand, there also seems to be a sentiment that the “magic number” of kids is 4-5 before mom turns 30, and then she is done. I am not sure if anyone else has seen this? More than 5 and you are crazy, less than 4 and you are “limiting your family” and will “reap sorrow by and by”.

Monson-3
Uchdorf-2
Eyring-6

Packer- 10
Perry-3
Nelson-10
Oaks-6
Ballard-7
Scott-7
Hales-2
Holland-3
Bednar-3
Cook-3
Christofferson-5
Anderson-4

(Hinckley-5; Hunter-3; Benson-8)

Evidently, having children is important, but whether that’s two or twelve iis a personal decision. It’s also interesting that younger apostles have smaller families.

There’s an apocryphal story that Elder Uchdorf spoke at a multi-stake conference in Lehi (arong 2005-06) and said something to the effect of “I don’t understand why you feel obligated to have so many kids.” Can anyone in the blogosphere confirm this?

By the way, the church never disavows any past statements. It just issues a contradictory statement, and expects us to figure it out.