Sigh.

AndrewJDavis, I love astronomy, so I assume that you are super cool. You probably understand all the lines of “Hie to Kolob”.

I don’t like “Hie to Kolob” because the words seem to fight the music. Its a little heavy on the weird, trippy doctrine stuff for me too. I like singing “Families are Forever”, but would not want to sing a hymn about the joys of polygamy. Just my personal preference.

I love the hymns that sing praise to Jesus, and that make me feel happy. I can stay home and feel depressed in my pajamas.

I pay my tithing online, but I use the “check mail” feature, and it is set up to snail-mail a paper check to the Bishop’s home (the mailing address for any ward) What is a little ironic is I am in the Bishopric, so he usually turns the check back over to me sunday after church, and I count it with the rest of donations. A couple of others in the ward use paper-mailed-check online payments as well. It is kind of a pain because the member of the bishopric then has to fill out the donation slip. I suppose I am supposed to then give the donor copy of the slip to the member, but I just shred it.

Anyway, my question is for those who pay directly to Salt Lake, does the donation show up on your personal donation record that is (in my ward at least) is printed out and given to members as they are going into annual tithing settlement.

You picked exactly the one I would drop…but I would sure like a shortening of “I Believe in Christ.” Adding that hymn to the program is like turning a two hour block into a three hour block.

1. Say your prayers
2. Go to church
3. Read your scriptures.

Just new stories around these principles. Those wanting earth-shaking new revelation will be disappointed, those seeking spiritual upliftment will be filled.

Dissolve the Singles wards.

Bells on our church buildings.

I agree on the Kiev temple design.

Update the hymnbook, ban Scatter Sunshine.

I don’t care if the priesthood is extended to women as long as it is done the way women serve missions. Optional but not essential.

1) A WOMAN will play the organ for the ENTIRE GENERAL conference (not just the YW/RS sessions or a special musical number).

2) A WOMAN will conduct the Mo-Tab. Guest conductor Florence Henderson. (Did anyone else watch the 40th anniversary of the Brady Bunch Marathon on TV Land when Carol Brady said to Alice about the kids entering a singing competition, “I couldn’t be more proud if I were the director of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir!”? Let’s make her dream come true!)

3) A talk and update from each of the three Nephites and from John.

4) Meat with the milk . . . AMEN. They’re gonna let the next politically incorrect J Golden up to the stand who will FINALLY say something new.

5) Calling on random audience members to come to the podium and bear their testimonies; oh, and then serve 3 yr missions (starting with Steve Young, Danny Ainge, Donny Osmond, and Dale Murphey since they haven’t gotten to go yet.)

6) The conference center will be turned into a tabernacle, and religious symbols (stained glass, religious murals, sacred geometry, etc. will be built). The ‘generic conference room’ thing will go away.

7) The announcement of a new book . . . ‘National Treasure 3′ which finally exposes the relationship between mormonism and free masonry among our country’s founders (discovered in a covert escapade to the granite mountain). Details coming soon.
The writer of the online lds tv series ‘Jer3miah’ and Jared Hess will make the hilarious intersession video(see #7)

9) Lightning will strike and the teleprompters will short out. All GA’s will have to speak extemporaneously (by inspiration) and from the heart, not from an edited/pre-approved speech.

10)Special guest speakers will include: Glenn Beck, John Ensign & Jim Gibbons (heartfelt apologies) and Sarah Palin. (Just kidding about this).

11) Special guest musical numbers played by the Canadian Brass- an ode to Moroni.

12) The first conference in YEARS without a 30 min infomercial for emergency essentials

13) Announcement to finally build the Far West Temple (to scale- using the original plans).

14) The usual 20 min or 10 min talks will be replaced with discussion panels moderated by (?), pitting various apostle’s philosophies against each other (too bad we missed the opportunity to hear BH Roberts’ against Bruce R. M. )

15) President J. Beck will apologize for any offense or undue guilt any sister might have felt during her first GA talk.

16) The church will NOT make an announcement opposing the public option for health care- as socialist pursuant to the statements of Orin Hatch, Glen Beck and Michael Leavitt.

17) Special guest speaker – PRESIDENT OBAMA on Mormons in Obamerica.

18) The ‘model A’ small temple design will be scrapped for the Kiev Temple, to be replaced with a contemporary LDS design using the traditional slavic onion dome.

19) The term ‘tithing’ will be replaced with “membership dues”.

20) Second annointings announced for card carrying general membership.

21) Working women can be called as paid CES directors.

22) Church leaders will be given 1/2 off tithing obligations if they instead visit Midwestern saints instead of the Polynesian saints.

23) Health care problem solved! Announcement of the return to the united order.

24) A talk on spiritual polygamy (or traditional polygamy).

25) Carolyn Lynn Pearson will speak.

26)Mitt Romney will talk about bringing the winter olympics back to SLC in 2018, and will announce run for Gov of UT (later be elected the ONLY person to govern two different states).

27) Announcement of the NEW visiting teaching system which pairs YW (12-18) with RS sisters (similar to the Home Teaching model).

28) Sister Wendy Nelson will give a talk on couples sex therapy — oops— procreative love.

3 And they had all things common among them; therefore there were not rich and poor, bond and free, but they were all made free, and partakers of the heavenly gift. 4 Nephi 1:3

13 And it came to pass that there was no contention among all the people, in all the land; but there were mighty miracles wrought among the disciples of Jesus. 4 Nephi 1:13

I wonder what General Conference would be like in that kind of society?

But I need to live in the day that I am assigned. So based on that, I hope that President Monson will speak with the same authority and power he has done since being called as our prophet. For example, click the link below. This talk was given April 2008, Sunday Morning, “Looking Back and Moving Forward”.

The title of this talk most aptly applies to those who frequent the Bloggernacle. We look back and are troubled by some things in church history. Though the link below doesn’t specifically address the challenges some have with church history, it provides the anecdote.

I know by my own experience the challenges of church history. They can rock us to our core. But I also know by experience that these challenges can be swallowed up by faith.

The Lord has given me sacred experiences that have provided a certain testimony of the reality of Christ and the truthfulness of the claims made by the LDS Church. These experiences are available to all who will diligently seek the Lord. I hope each of us will be willing to pay the price to acquire our own sacred experiences so that we can be unshackled from the fetters of whatever binds our faith, and free us to come unto Christ with full purpose of heart.

http://broadcast.lds.org/genconf/2008/04/40/GC_2008_04_46_MonsonTS__09487_eng_300k.wmv

Amen to everything you just said. I’ve thought all those things and more for the past 10 years.

If we get really lucky, maybe they’ll come down on the Bloggernacle for criticizing the Brethren. That will suck for you guys, but be entertaining for me.

I’d like to hear the brethren even say the word “Bloggernaccle” in conference. That would be cool.

There is my requisite demi-feminist concerns. I’d like to see talks given by more than two or three women, I’d like to see a woman address the priesthood session, I’d like to see women offering prayers at Conference, and I’d like to hear the RS, YW and Primary Presidency members referred to as “President Lastname.” It’s the only honorific title women potentially have, so they might as well make use of it.

(Of course, in a perfect world I’d like to see a revelation giving women the priesthood, but I’m trying to suggest gradual changes towards the goal of improving women’s status.)

I’m generally concerned with the content of General Conference talks. I’ve heard complaints elsewhere from reasonable, faithful Latter-day Saints that the talks stick with “milk” and never try to address meatier, more problematic doctrines, so I’d like to see some GAs address that. How about a talk addressing problematic sealing situations involving divorce, widow/er situations, and remarriage? A talk offering hope and encouragement to part-member families—hope and encouragement that isn’t rooted in the hope of converting your spouse? A talk encouraging mothers who work outside the home, and not just mothers who have to work outside the home for financial reasons, but mothers who want to and choose to? An expository talk on a more problematic area of the church’s history? A talk on what happens when you feel like you hated your mission and were a complete failure? A talk on how you feel when priesthood blessings seem to fail? A personal talk and testimony from a convert who lived a truly worldly, sinful life before becoming LDS, complete with a few gritty details?

They aren’t ordaining any new apostles this conference, but I’d like to see the church go back to ordaining younger men (in their 30s) as apostles, and I’d like to see some apostles who aren’t white. In case anybody thinks my first suggestion is crazy, please bear in mind that Monson was ordained when he was 36.

I’d also really love to see a more upbeat choir as a sign that the church is beginning to embrace other music styles.

However, I predict none of the above. It will be two talks offered by women who won’t be called “President”, all prayers and priesthood talks done by men, and talks on things like faith, repentance, baptism, tithing, the importance of temple work and family history, strengthening the family, sharing the gospel, the requisite talk aimed at traditional Christianity (wild guess: they denounce our “divisions” and contrast the church’s unity) and how awesome those pioneers were.

If we get really lucky, maybe they’ll come down on the Bloggernacle for criticizing the Brethren. That will suck for you guys, but be entertaining for me.

Enjoy your conference weekend.