Right up there with primary, this is a sacred cow for me – perfect for this series. I’ll list off my own best and worst experiences, and you can do the same in the comments! Worst: The MTC: For the first few weeks I didn’t want to be there, and for the last few weeks didn’t want to leave. Something about that doesn’t sit right with me. I also loved singing in groups in the dorms, but the men in charge routinely banned singing in the halls, which I never understood. People also got into arguments over vending machine use…
Blog Archives
all decisions are emotional
I always have to laugh when people claim we Mormons (or even believers in general) make our decisions based on “feelings.” What they don’t realize, is EVERYONE makes EVERY decision, at least in part (and often mostly) due to their feelings.
What kind of “Mormon” are you?
TBM? NOM? Ex? Post? Orthoprax & Unorthodox? Deist? Liberal? Conservative? Orthodox? Fundamentalist? Faithful? I’m not sure what category, if any, I fit in. Sometimes I think categories are only useful or good for those who are doing the categorizing. I suppose this post should be titled, “Tell me what kind of Mormon you think I am.”
WHY our meetings are dull for some, and great for others
Okay, so our meetings are dull. Complaining about it is dull. I’ve been wondering though, what about the wards that have better meetings? What makes them better? Whenever this topic arises, people want to toss around blame. Either the church or the individual members are responsible. After all, if the church is run by God, if the meeting is boring it must be YOUR fault. I think there may be some truth to that.
things that scare you
The best advice I ever received was about a month into my mission. I was naturally struggling to learn the first few principles of the first discussion in Japanese, and struggling to stay interested every day in repeating the same brief sentence to everyone: “chotto ii desu ka?” (roughly, “Hi, do you have a minute?”). I met one day with my Zone Leader, who was short, with dark hair and huge hands. He was from Kentucky. We knelt down on the tatami mats and he asked me how things were going. I explained that I was really glad to be…
Marriage Counseling: Waste of Money or Balm of Gilead?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that most of you could use some good marriage counseling. Yes, you. “…do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us?” –Alma 60:21 I have run into two groups (although there are more) of couples in the church. One group has tried marriage counseling and found it to be mediocre, a waste of money, and even damaging. Unfortunately, this happens. Another group of couples has not really…
Date Night: When your arguments are always the same…
Do you ever feel like you and your spouse fight the same way every time? Almost like, “here we go again?” Can you predict how the argument is going to happen before it happens? Chances are you may both be caught in a negative pattern that may be common but can be destructive.
Date Night: What is your couple sexual style?
I was going to law school. Coming home from a mission in Japan, I was going to get a law degree and take Japanese business CEOs golfing and get paid a ton of money. This fantasy lasted right up until I heard a tape by marital researcher John Gottman. I was captivated at how marital conflict could be studied. I have since been immersed in studying couples and relationships, and have been seeing couples in therapy part-time for about three years, primarily using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It can be difficult, but is also a privilege to watch. I love…
The constraints of agency: Your neighbor and your neighborhood
Albert Bandura defines agency is “the capacity to exercise control over the nature and quality of one’s life.” We have freedom to make choices, and we are responsible for (the agent of) what we choose. Exactly how responsible are we for our actions? What influences to make decisions? Home life? Community influences? Abuse? Emotionally dismissive parenting? An unfortunate genetic tendency? Are we always (or ever) 100% responsible?
Mormon Marriage Ref: Bikinis, Garments, & Facebook
WARNING: Sophisticated readers have described The Mormon Marriage Ref as a painfully artificial and repellent reality TV way of solving arguments, as using incredibly silly black and white binary thinking, and as sorely lacking in nuance. Read at your own risk! Here’s the situation: Matt and Sarah are a young couple living in Las Vegas. They are very physically active, and put a high priority on health and exercise. They love the warm weather and their big neighborhood pool. They originally met in Germany (Sarah is German, and speaks fluent English) while Matt was on his mission. Matt went back…
Mormon Marriage Ref: The Johansen’s Daughter is Cohabitating!
While the situation described may be common, the names, events, and dialogue etc. are all fictional. Here’s the situation: David and Sue Johansen have been married for 20 years. They have four children: 19 (girl), 15 (girl), 12 (girl), and 8 (boy). The oldest just finished up her sophomore year in college, about a two-hour drive away. She is doing very well in school, majoring in biology and pre-med with a 3.8 GPA, and her boyfriend of nearly two years is an education major, planning to teach high school English in an inner-city school. Needless to say more, they are…
Best and Worst of Mormonism: Primary Songs!
*Note: For my Best and Worst series, my intent is not to be negative for its own sake. Rather, I believe in balance, moderation, and critiquing personal sacred cows. Such is my love/cringe relationship with primary. I first heard the words “Janice Krapp Perry” in the MTC. Perry is the source of quite possibly the best and the worst of what the primary songbook has to offer. Having spent the majority of my post-mission years on the primary piano bench (and/or herding packs of sunbeams), I’m quite familiar with the songs. Here are some keepers… and some kick-to-the-curb-ers!
How Being a LOST Fan and a Church Member is Pretty Much the Same
New Convert: “I watched them all back to back this year on DVD. And I’m very glad I did. And I’d do it again.” Dogmatic: “If you didn’t like the Lost finale, you’re an idiot! Literally, you probably just didn’t understand it. You have my sympathy.” DAMU: “After so many years spent on this show, I feel cheated.”
What makes a good home teacher?
Nope, not April Fools. I have mixed feelings about my experiences with home teaching. My father taught me from an early age about visiting the widows, the less fortunate, those who did not fit in with the Saturday golf games. We probably went every month, and usually had a message, but we also spent a lot of time helping these people move, chopping up wood in backyards, and just talking. I watched my father care for these people. When a few members questioned his politics when he was called to be our bishop, I knew that politics had nothing to…
What is “sin”?
In my apparently never ending need to define absolutely everything, (e.g. what “bless the food” means or “what is the church?”) I am continuing my “What is…. ?” series, with a topic that I have had a hard time defining in the past. What, really, is sin? Not so much “what are some examples of sin…” because we all know there are endless ways and means TO sin. What IS it? How do you define it?
Wherein I stop being liberal and start standing up for what I believe
A lot of what I talk about in regard to the church is a reaction against something else. For a period of time my wife even stopped talking to me about Relief Society lessons because of what I would argue or disagree with. After a lot of self-reflection over the past few months, I realized my problem: I am not standing up for what I believe is right, I’m just arguing with those who do. When I think there is an over-emphasis on necklines or haircuts, or a teacher presents something that I think is wrong, I want to speak…
Edward Cullen as Porn Addict
Hear me out. I was talking with a friend recently about addictions. Things like alcohol, caffeine, meth, and heroin (among many other substances) all seem to rob the addict of their free will to some extent. At some point in the conversation we started talking about mythology, and he mentioned how vampires could be viewed metaphorically as heroin addicts. (There is even a movie with the vampire/heroin metaphor, “The Addiction” staring Christopher Walken as a vampire who abstains from blood through fasting and meditation.)
doubt
A seminary teacher I had in high school is in some BIG trouble.
mothers really are the primary nurturers
I have long been dismayed by the seemingly arbitrary idea that mothers should be first in charge of nurturing their children, with fathers there to step in and “help” as an equal partner.
Learning and Understanding Vs. Winning Arguments
Why do you read and comment on blogs? What is your goal? Do you want to make points and debate with others? Is it more important for you to reach mutual understanding and learn from each other? Can both happen at the same time? This is an adaptation of a post my good friend Ron wrote. He is Catholic, so with his consent I have modified some of it to fit the audience here, as well as added some of my own thoughts. It was inspired by some of his encounters with a “rather nasty Fundamentalist Christian” who was “more…
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