Mormon Heretic’s post on forgiveness from a few weeks ago touched me deeply, but I needed time to get my thoughts together about it before I could respond. I once had the neighbor from hell. I use the expression with theological intent. Smart and relentlessly treacherous, he was somewhere on the spectrum from malignant narcissist to full-fledged sociopath, and I had no desire to observe closely enough to find out where. I do not know what horror had befallen him — if anything more significant than a stray cosmic ray hitting the genome at the wrong time — but...
love
Marriage Counseling: Waste of Money or Balm of Gilead?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that most of you could use some good marriage counseling. Yes, you. “…do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us?” –Alma 60:21 I have run into two groups (although there are more) of couples in the church. One group has tried marriage counseling and found it to be mediocre, a waste of money, and even damaging. Unfortunately, this happens. Another group of couples has not...
Date Night: When your arguments are always the same…
Do you ever feel like you and your spouse fight the same way every time? Almost like, “here we go again?” Can you predict how the argument is going to happen before it happens? Chances are you may both be caught in a negative pattern that may be common but can be destructive.
Date Night: What is your couple sexual style?
I was going to law school. Coming home from a mission in Japan, I was going to get a law degree and take Japanese business CEOs golfing and get paid a ton of money. This fantasy lasted right up until I heard a tape by marital researcher John Gottman. I was captivated at how marital conflict could be studied. I have since been immersed in studying couples and relationships, and have been seeing couples in therapy part-time for about three years, primarily using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It can be difficult, but is also a privilege to watch. I...
The Mormon Therapist on Interracial Marriage
Recently I’ve been in contact with a girl by means of the internet. We haven’t met but plan to soon. I like her a lot. She has told me she loves me and wants to start a family with me. She isn’t a member of the church but said she is willing to join it if it means being with me. I find her attractive, yes -but there are other factors as well. She is from a mixed race (half African, half White American). I know love can put aside all differences but at the same time this would...
The Mormon Therapist on “I don’t feel safe talking to my husband about sex.”
Natasha Helfer Parker is a Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist and a member of the Church with 13 years of experience working with LDS members. Here she shares with us representative cases from her practice and insights she has gained from her work as a therapist. She blogs at mormontherapist.blogspot.com. You have mentioned the importance of communicating with our spouse about our view of sex–not just the fantasies. I don’t feel like I can do that with my husband. He is not a safe place to go for me. We have a different opinion about how and how...
Binding the Broken-Hearted
Nothing is more painful than a broken heart. When this kind of sorrow gets deep into a person’s soul, all troubles are magnified, blessings are unseen, and it seems almost impossible to bear the daily experience of life. Getting out of bed is misery. Living is torment. A broken heart can cause such an intense reaction that many of us feel our lives have been completely stripped of meaning. Jobs, hobbies, and friends no longer hold any joy for us. In fact, some even experience physical pain with a tight chest, nervous stomach, or terrible insomnia. Nobody understands a...
What the Golden Rule Does NOT Say: or, “Jesus wouldn’t recognize that rationalization.”
One of my monthly New Year’s Resolutions last year was taken from Matthew 7:9-12, a slight change in my original plan. (See here.) These verses state: Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to...
Increased Civility in Our Conversations
On this Good Friday, I want to make a request based on a wonderful post I read over at By Common Consent by one of my favorite writers, Russell Arben Fox. It is entitled “Friday Reflections on Mormonism and the Cross” – and it can be read in its entirety at the following link: http://bycommonconsent.com/2010/04/02/friday-reflections-on-mormonism-and-the-cross/ I am going to include my own thoughts on that post – then take this post in a very different direction.
Charity: Self-Analysis Tool: Do I Vaunt Myself; Am I Puffed Up?
My New Year’s Resolution this year is taken from I Corinthians 13:4-7. In a nutshell, it is to become a little more charitable this year. I am studying and trying to practice one of the manifestations of charity listed in Paul’s passage each month. This month, the focus is on charity “vaunting not itself” and not being “puffed up”. I write each Saturday about this resolution on my personal blog, and I want to share something with all of you that hit me as I was preparing to write my post for last Saturday.
Interfaith Marriages by guest Madam Curie
A recent post by Cr@ig on Main Street Plaza caused me to reflect on the strength of interfaith marriages. I had hoped to generate a follow-up post on this topic at MSP. However, since the comments on the Cr@ig’s post devolved into a blame game of whether the believer or non-believer was more responsible for marital dissolution, I decided it was probably best to avoid a second opportunity for mud-slinging. Differences in religious belief can be the death knell to a marriage. For that reason, many organized religions strongly advocate against being “yoked with unbelievers”. This is not only...
Virtual PH/RS Lesson: Elder Eyring’s talk and the New Year
I was asked to teach the lesson in Elder’s Quorum on Elder Eyring’s General Conference talk from October: Our Perfect Example (click here for video.) Inspired by Hawkgrrrl’s Virtual RS/PH lessons, I thought I’d give it a try again. I’m not sure if everyone is supposed to review this talk, but I believe this is the talk our stake has chosen. I think Elder Eyring’s talk is a perfect lead-in to New Year’s Resolutions. Shouldn’t we all resolve to be more like Christ? So, before I get to Elder Eyring’s talk, I want to discuss the History of New...
A Child Is Born In Bukavu
A Christmas message, by today’s guest poster, mormongandhi. A child is born in Bukavu A child is born in Bukavu, and sadness fills his mother’s heart… Bukavu is not the city of David. It is a town in the eastern part of the Democratic Republic of Congo. War has been ravaging the country for years. Ever since Kabila invaded the former Zaire with military support from the US. It is a war that no one speaks of – but it has cost the lives of millions of people and caused unimaginable suffering.
The Single Mormon Girl and the Priesthood
Everybody blogs, right? Why not me? Looking for my niche, my angle, and the one thing that seemed to make me stand out in my corner of the world. I found it: Being single. And 40. And Mormon. In a family ward. In a town where EVERYONE is under 30, sealed in the temple and constantly reproducing. The best humor is found in our painful life experiences. Read about mine and laugh with me. Or at me. Whichever
A Baptism for the Dead Dilemma
Last January 2009, I wrote a piece “Stop Baptizing Our Dead.” I spoke about groups who objected to the LDS Church baptizing the dead that identified themselves with their own religious group, mainly Catholics and Jews. I faced my own personal dilemma after my Mother died in March of 2007. While she and my Dad did not disown me for joining the LDS Church, they were not happy about my decision. My Mother, in particular, made sure that she voiced her opinion strongly from time to time. She told me once that she was afraid I would give all...
A Personal Interpretation of Elder Hafen’s Remarks
At the Evergreen conference held September 18-19, 2009, Elder Bruce Hafen gave a talk regarding homosexuality. The talk was reprinted on the official LDS Church Newsroom website. I will not synopsize the talk here but I suggest reading it yourself. Within a very short time, for obvious reasons, the bloggernacle was dissecting and analyzing the speech. These actions generated some interesting discussions here, and one permablogger at FMH did a good job of challenging the less-than-spectacular research here.
What if the Brethren decided to allow gay marriage? by Justin Perry
What if the Brethren decided to allow gay marriage? They’d have to do a lot of back-peddling to explain why they were suddenly in favor of something they stood against for so long. But over time, the church’s previous “official” opposition to gay marriage would be downplayed, the Apostles who spoke publicly against gay marriage would be criticized for giving their own personal, uninspired opinion, and new generations of LDS children would grow up in a church that accepted gays openly.
Poly-What?, or, a Contemporary View of LDS Plural Marriage
Being from England, we do not really have a Polygamous Pioneer heritage like some from the US. However, we do have something a little more contemporary. I was speaking recently to a single woman who had a few children and had divorced been for some time and as we were speaking about the Church's history in this area she explained to me a few of her recent experiences with people who wanted to practice Polygamy.
mothers really are the primary nurturers
I have long been dismayed by the seemingly arbitrary idea that mothers should be first in charge of nurturing their children, with fathers there to step in and “help” as an equal partner.
Adam and Eve: the First TBM & NOM
There have been several attempts over the years to categorize Mormon “belief-styles”: Orthodox Mormon versus Liberal Mormon, Iron Rod Mormon versus Liahona Mormon, and so on. In the online world of LDS blogs commonly called “the Bloggernacle”, Mormons are often categorized as being TBMs (True Believing Mormons) or NOMs (New Order Mormons). One evening when my wife and I had the opportunity to reflect on the timeless story of Adam and Eve, it struck me that their different responses to God’s commandments, and to Lucifer’s “temptation”, perfectly exemplified the different mindsets of TBMs and NOMs, and symbolically portrayed the...