This past week, Judge Vaughn R. Walker in a U.S. District Court ruled California’s Proposition 8 was unconstitutional because it violated the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th amendment of the US Constitution in that “Proposition 8 harms the state’s interest in equality, because it mandates that men and women be treated differently based on antiquated and discredited notions of gender and that fundamental rights may not be submitted to a vote.” (Excerpts from the federal court decision, from the Los Angeles Times Website)
marriage
Why Mormon History is Not What They Say
Our controversial guest post today is from Rock Waterman. Check out the original unabridged post at his blog, Pure Mormonism, so titled from his observation that the organic religion founded by Joseph Smith was nondogmatic and libertarian. A couple of weeks ago Jeff Riggenbach sent me his latest book, Why American History Is Not What They Say: An Introduction To Revisionism. I’ve had a passion for revisionist history for as long as I can remember, but something I read in Riggenbach’s informative volume caught me up short. It was an essential factor that I had never known or considered...
Marriage Counseling: Waste of Money or Balm of Gilead?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that most of you could use some good marriage counseling. Yes, you. “…do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us?” –Alma 60:21 I have run into two groups (although there are more) of couples in the church. One group has tried marriage counseling and found it to be mediocre, a waste of money, and even damaging. Unfortunately, this happens. Another group of couples has not...
Date Night: When your arguments are always the same…
Do you ever feel like you and your spouse fight the same way every time? Almost like, “here we go again?” Can you predict how the argument is going to happen before it happens? Chances are you may both be caught in a negative pattern that may be common but can be destructive.
Date Night: What is your couple sexual style?
I was going to law school. Coming home from a mission in Japan, I was going to get a law degree and take Japanese business CEOs golfing and get paid a ton of money. This fantasy lasted right up until I heard a tape by marital researcher John Gottman. I was captivated at how marital conflict could be studied. I have since been immersed in studying couples and relationships, and have been seeing couples in therapy part-time for about three years, primarily using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It can be difficult, but is also a privilege to watch. I...
The Question Solomon Couldn’t Answer
OT SS Lesson #26 Our Sunday School lesson this week attempts to deal with the conundrum with which we are faced when considering that Israel’s King Solomon, who was a paragon of wisdom having received this gift from the Lord, could make the decidedly unwise decision of marrying foreign wives and following them into idolatry.
The Mormon Therapist on Interracial Marriage
Recently I’ve been in contact with a girl by means of the internet. We haven’t met but plan to soon. I like her a lot. She has told me she loves me and wants to start a family with me. She isn’t a member of the church but said she is willing to join it if it means being with me. I find her attractive, yes -but there are other factors as well. She is from a mixed race (half African, half White American). I know love can put aside all differences but at the same time this would...
The Next Victim
This post is by our guest, Leah. He is getting his temple recommend renewed. He has his humble face on. He has paid up his financial obligations to his children. He is going through the outward steps of repentance again, assembling the props he needs to act the perfect husband. But this time it is not for me, it is for her. He is telling her that he wants the white picket fence, the family and a dog. He couldn’t have told her how the most significant times when his abuse became physical were when I was pregnant. I...
Mormon Marriage Ref: Bikinis, Garments, & Facebook
WARNING: Sophisticated readers have described The Mormon Marriage Ref as a painfully artificial and repellent reality TV way of solving arguments, as using incredibly silly black and white binary thinking, and as sorely lacking in nuance. Read at your own risk! Here’s the situation: Matt and Sarah are a young couple living in Las Vegas. They are very physically active, and put a high priority on health and exercise. They love the warm weather and their big neighborhood pool. They originally met in Germany (Sarah is German, and speaks fluent English) while Matt was on his mission. Matt went...
The Mormon Therapist on “I don’t feel safe talking to my husband about sex.”
Natasha Helfer Parker is a Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist and a member of the Church with 13 years of experience working with LDS members. Here she shares with us representative cases from her practice and insights she has gained from her work as a therapist. She blogs at mormontherapist.blogspot.com. You have mentioned the importance of communicating with our spouse about our view of sex–not just the fantasies. I don’t feel like I can do that with my husband. He is not a safe place to go for me. We have a different opinion about how and how...
Mormon Marriage Ref: The Johansen’s Daughter is Cohabitating!
While the situation described may be common, the names, events, and dialogue etc. are all fictional. Here’s the situation: David and Sue Johansen have been married for 20 years. They have four children: 19 (girl), 15 (girl), 12 (girl), and 8 (boy). The oldest just finished up her sophomore year in college, about a two-hour drive away. She is doing very well in school, majoring in biology and pre-med with a 3.8 GPA, and her boyfriend of nearly two years is an education major, planning to teach high school English in an inner-city school. Needless to say more, they...
After Action Report: The Community of Christ Did WHAT?
Headline in the Independence Examiner for Thursday, April 15, 2010: “Delegation Takes No Action on Human Sexuality Issues: Church Will Continue Dialogue.” Headline by John Hamer on BCC on Thursday, April 15, 2010: “Gay Rights Revelation Added to The Community of Christ D&C” ———- The two headlines above generally cover the spectrum of opinion about what happened at the Community of Christ World Conference as it completed the process of canonization of a new Section 164 for its D&C. The spectrum of opinions about whether what happened was a good thing or bad thing, of course, runs even more...
Rachel and Leah: A Modern Perspective
Last year, I posted a topic about Marriage Fitness. The author is Mort Fertel, and he makes no illusions that his method is a quick or easy solution to a better marriage, but he does guarantee it works, if followed. Part of the package includes a book with the same name. He has an interesting perspective on the Biblical story of Rachel and Leah. As we all know, Jacob (who later changed his name to Israel), greatly loved Rachel. After working for 7 years to marry Rachel, he was duped into marrying Rachel’s sister Leah, and then had to...
A Tribute to Charity
My father had a stroke on Wednesday. The artery in his neck is 95% blocked, and he will have surgery to try to correct that problem next Wednesday. Since my New Year’s Resolution posts on my personal blog this month are focused on charity envying not, I want to repost something that I wrote a little over two years ago when one of my nieces died unexpectedly. Much of what I know of charity envying not (and charity in totality) was learned by watching my father – particularly as he laid down his own life for the woman he...
From Patriarchy to Eternity
I am going to put this as simply as possible, and let’s start with a definition. Patriarchy is a social system in which the father or eldest male is head of the household, having authority over women and children. Patriarchy also refers to a system of government by males, and to the dominance of men in social or cultural systems. I know that this is a true definition, having found it on Wikipedia. However, if you disagree, scroll down and I will include definitions from as many dictionaries as I can google. Patriarchy by its very definition is not...
Interfaith Marriages by guest Madam Curie
A recent post by Cr@ig on Main Street Plaza caused me to reflect on the strength of interfaith marriages. I had hoped to generate a follow-up post on this topic at MSP. However, since the comments on the Cr@ig’s post devolved into a blame game of whether the believer or non-believer was more responsible for marital dissolution, I decided it was probably best to avoid a second opportunity for mud-slinging. Differences in religious belief can be the death knell to a marriage. For that reason, many organized religions strongly advocate against being “yoked with unbelievers”. This is not only...
Josh and Susan Powell, and an LDS Ultimatum — “Get Active, or I’m Leaving With the Kids”
(This post has been updated) Just saw this blurb in the Deseret News this morning: When Josh and Susan Powell were first married, both were very active in the LDS Church, Petersen said. They were sealed in the temple. But once they moved to Utah, Josh Powell stopped attending church. Petersen said the Powells’ marriage counselor instructed Susan Powell to set specific goals. Susan Powell told her husband that her goal was for him to become active in the church again by the end of 2009 and to have his temple recommend again by their anniversary in the spring....
In the Shadow of the Temple by Guest
A close friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous recently saw in the shadow of the temple his story follows In October, I was fortunate to attend the Portland, Oregon, screening of the movie, In the Shadow of the Temple. http://www.intheshadowofthetemple.com The screening was hosted by the producers, Karen Di Millia and Dennis Lavery. Prior to the screening Dennis and Karen spoke for 10 minutes and explained how they started this project. After the screening they took questions and answers for roughly 30 minutes. Lavery and DeMillia, who are not–and never have been–LDS, originally planned to make a...
Temple Wedding Petition
A temple wedding petition to is being circulated to promote love and happiness in the family by changing the church’s stance on civil marriages preceding temple weddings. The petition requests that the leadership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints make it acceptable to have a civil marriage ceremony first, if desired, and then giving the couple the necessary time to attend the temple for the sealing ordinance as they do in those countries whose laws require it. (The petition is not endorsed by Mormon Matters; this information is being shared for discussion as a news item). In...
The Single Mormon Girl and the Priesthood
Everybody blogs, right? Why not me? Looking for my niche, my angle, and the one thing that seemed to make me stand out in my corner of the world. I found it: Being single. And 40. And Mormon. In a family ward. In a town where EVERYONE is under 30, sealed in the temple and constantly reproducing. The best humor is found in our painful life experiences. Read about mine and laugh with me. Or at me. Whichever